Now and then

When you first step out of your car and look around Chandler Way, you will see it as 3 different worlds: lower class, middle class and upper class.

Firstly let’s talk about the start of the road, where you can hardly walk 5 minutes without having this illicit smoke in the air which you have to breathe in. If you go there then you might get a first bad image of the road you are going into. You might see people with a blooded face on the floor. When you first step on to Chandler Way you will hear music blazing out the houses you first see. If you are lucky you might see either a drug dealer or a drug abuser smoking cannabis. Well there are some people at the start of Chandler Way that help the poor man who was on the floor with a blooded face. They are not all drug abusers or drug dealers, they are genuine people who sometimes help each other out but they just do not really start conversations with the other people on their ‘part of the world’.

Then we have the middle of the road, where you can see a massive change compare to the start of Chandler Way, no drug dealers or drug abusers, no people bursting other people’s ear drums with very loud and annoying people with other stupid noises also not as much smoke in the air. They are so much different to the people at the start of the road. 80% of them go to work and put food on the table for their families and are having a nice and hard-working lifestyle. The thing is that before they might have been like the people at the start of the road themselves. They did not spend the little bit of money they got on drugs they spent it on food for their families.

Then you go to the beauty of the road ‘the posh ones’ as the people at the start of the road like to call them. The people who have the cars that go 150 mph, the houses that have 5 floors, the gates that only open and close with a control. The people who live up there are the ones with the private houses, but they have earned it and when you get out of the car you could see that they were the ones who most probably worked the hardest from a very young age, they were the ones who have earned their money in a perfectly legal way. They are the ones with the heavy bags with legal items inside.

In the end they all look out for each other. When you first step out of the car it looked that way but now you can tell they are human, even if on side of the road are a lot of smoke and not enough oxygen and making money illegally and the other side are making millions legally. After a while living on Chandler Way you get to realize who the people on Chandler Way actually are. Like you will see from the start you will think that it was very weird something like you have never seen before but once you get to understand it is amazing. Like you can tell from you first step out  they are like 3 worlds put into one road.

2 Comments

  1. There are some real strengths in this piece. Firstly it reads as if it’s a place you know really well, and some of the detail you’ve selected is vivid and original.

    There are some lapses to this as well. Here’s an example of the contrast between the effective writing and the less effective. This doesn’t work so well: “It looked like a weird place,” – don’t tell us it’s weird, as this means nothing to us, instead, describe it in such a way as we come to that conclusion ourselves. Whereas what you write next “it is like 3 different worlds [compressed] into one road” shows real promise as the start of what could be a fascinating description.

    I’m not sure about the first person “but now I see it”, I think you’re probably better off not having a conversation with the reader like that, but instead just describing from your unique point of view.

    In contradiction with that point, there’s definitely room for: “If you are lucky you might see”. I think that worked well. Don’t go back on it about the ‘nice people’, though.

    This is a good first draft but is not ready for assessment yet. It needs some careful editing and refinement.

    Also, you’ll need to fix your there/their/they’re homophone errors.

    CW

  2. 32/40 [B2]

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